You Have Your Own Story To Tell

My niece was 4 years old when she first joined school and I remember how she got frustrated because she’s having hard time learning how to write. It didn’t help her knowing that her classmates, who had joined school earlier than her, took it easily. In fact it made her more agitated and pressured. She felt like she was not doing it right and that she wasn’t making a progress. But believe me she was. Although she was not as good as her classmates but she was improving. She just couldn’t see it that time because she was comparing her performance to that of her classmates.

Just like my niece, surely you have caught yourself feeling frustrated, disappointed and pressured about how your career, relationship, dreams, aspirations or life in general is going. But do you know what is the root cause of these frustrations and disappointments?

COMPARISON

As defined by oxford dictionary comparison “is an act of examining people or things to see how they are different or similar to one another.”

So technically, comparison is never a bad thing at all. Comparing yourself to others can be motivational and inspirational. However it can also be self-destructive and usually leads to unhappiness, frustration and resentment especially when inferiority starts to kick in. You’ll feel that you’re not good enough, you don’t have enough and that you’re not doing enough. You become so engrossed with someone or something’s perfection to the extent of putting it on pedestal. Making it your standard – standard of success, standard of a happy relationship and standard of a happy life.

My niece was frustrated that she can’t write the way her classmates’ write. You can be frustrated that you’re still commuting while your friend has his own car now. Or you could be frustrated that you’re still single while everyone you know is already married. Or that you’re friends have been travelling everywhere while you’ve been nowhere. That at a very young age your sister has achieved so much while you’re stuck with your job for a very long time and was never been promoted. Or you could be frustrated because you’ve done the best you could but nothing is happening in your life.

And without you knowing it these frustrations will then end up to resentment. You will start to resent the kind of life you have and wished to have the life your friend’s has. What you don’t know is that their life was never what you perceived it to be.

A couple of years ago, my friend and I were talking about this “common friend” we have who seems to have it all together. She seems to be having the time of her life. Ideal boyfriend, luxurious car, high paying job and beauty that seems to never fade. “Her life seems to be perfect.” Were the words of my friend. There was no bitterness when she said it but I noticed how sad her voice was. It was like she felt very sorry for the kind of life that she has.

A year after that conversation, I got the chance to reconnect with this “common friend”. We were talking about random stuff when unexpectedly she opened up how empty she was. “Everyone might have thought of me as successful but I don’t feel like I am. To me success means happiness. And I am not happy. I’m nowhere to go”

You see the things we wished of having – a high paying job, relationship goals, travel goals, perfect body fit – does not equate to genuine joy and sense of fulfillment.

A lot of the people who we thought are having and living a perfect life usually are the ones who feel very miserable. So don’t compare your story to theirs, because you never know the battles they face. Focus on what is in your plate. Because whether you like it or not, whatever you have or wherever you maybe is exactly what and where you needed to be.

Of course it will surely not make sense now but believe me it will one day. You will soon understand why you have to be stuck in that desert – low paying job, unstable finances, broken heart and emptiness – to prepare you for a bigger and greater breakthrough that you truly deserve.

A few days ago, my brother-in law and I helped my nephew and niece build a tree house and a salon using a lego. It was too complicated and it needs a lot more patience. My brother-in-law, who assisted my niece with the toy salon, finished earlier than me. So I get a little frustrated and it came to a point when I just wanted to stop with what I am doing because the work seems unending and although I know I am making a tree house, I did not understand the details at all. But I have to keep my eyes on the goal –to finish the tree house- for my nephew’s sake.

When I have finally completed all the steps, I was amazed and I felt so fulfilled with the finish product. Then I saw how all those details came perfectly together at the very end.

That’s the same thing with life, you have to persevere and keep your eyes on your goal because most of the times you will never be able to understand why you have go through some stuffs until you get pass through it. So keep going, do you and stop comparing your life with that of your friends’. And when you feel like nothing is happening remind yourself that: