Definitely, Maybe

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

You have been on my mind lately. I was really wondering why? I tried to fill myself with so many things just so I could keep you off my mind but you simply just won’t go. You seem stuck there. Then I got tired finding ways of taking your beautiful smile off my lunatic mind so I decided to go with the flow. I took myself back when I was the apple of your eye and you were the icing to my cake.

I checked my inbox once again and tried to back read the messages you sent me, the sweet nothings we have shared and the silly jokes we laughed about. Then I began to wonder what if? What if I went out of my zone and met you half way? Will there be an “us”? Will the “us” last until. . . . . . . forever?  We seem to be very different from each other. You are free spirited while I am a scripted soul.

I remember how you used to tell me that slipping when jumping off a cliff is part of the adventure. That I should get rid of my “what if’s” and just go with the flow because getting hurt is what makes life worth living. But I would often argue with your theory for I am a firm believer that the reason why our head is above our heart is because God wants us to think first before taking an action. You just can’t make decisions based on your emotions. It will lead you to nothing but trouble.

And hey guess what? So far, my theory is right.

So the question remains, Why didn’t I give “us” a chance?

Well maybe because I was coward. I wasn’t really ready for another drama in my life. When you came, my life was on a roller coaster. There were too much issues going on that time that I got sick of facing another one. So without a thought I rejected the idea of an us.

But that night when I saw you with your ripped jeans and big smiles. All I could say to myself was Dem! HAHAHA

But really, you looked awesome that night. You didn’t know I throw thousands of glances on your side while I breathed a deep sigh and wondered again, what could have happened if I didn’t push you away? The answer somehow scares and excites me.

I don’t know if I made the right choice of dropping the idea of an “us” but I would like to hold on to that thought that I did.

Because if you were really into me, you should have pushed yourself more. You should have persisted and persevered. If what you felt for me was real you shouldn’t have given up just because I said so. Because if it was real then you should have found a way to win me.

Sadly you didn’t.

So yeah, maybe that was how our story supposed to end. And maybe, you are meant to be part of this letter without you knowing that this letter was actually written for you.

Author’s note:

I am sharing with you a letter I wrote a couple of years ago. When I was writing this letter my heart was full of doubts and was very confuse. I had so many unanswered questions back then, whether I made the right decision or not. And behold, I am, with all of my heart, thankful that I did not try to figure things on my own. Thankful that God had given me enough courage to just let go and embrace the unknown. Nope, I no longer have regrets for not giving it a shot. Not all cliffs are worth to jump to, take it from me. If it’s meant to be it will happen but if it is not no matter what you do, will never be.

So to everyone out there who is having hard time deciding whether to hold on or to just let go. Please choose the latter. Remember that if it is really the right kind of true love, you don’t have to choose at all.

May you find enough courage to in trust your love story to the hands of God. Surely, it will be nothing but magical. ♥