It Is What It is…

When I was younger I prayed that the first boyfriend I will have will be the person I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. But then I tried to rushed things. I was too eager to take my Friday exam on Monday because I thought I was ready. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I messed up and failed the exam. And it was too heartbreaking to get over with the fact that my childhood dream will never come true simply because I didn’t listen to God.

If I think it over again, I can vividly remember how many times God tried to rescue me from falling. But I was too stubborn to listen. I thought I knew better and that I can deal with my life on my own. So God let me.

Unexpectedly one day a thought just hit me. HE IS NOT THE ONE! I didn’t know where it came from. Yet despite that, I stood still. I kept that thought in the back of my mind for I wanted to prove to myself that I made the right decision of loving him. I tried so much to fight for our love because I really wanted it to last forever. So I held on. But as they say,

“You will never have to force anything that’s truly meant to be”

Not long after that we broke up. It was too heartbreaking. I went through long sleepless and agonizing nights while I cried my heart out in silent. I dealt with so many what ifs, what could haves and whys. It was such a nightmare and I can’t even recall how I survived that, all I know is that God was with me throughout that journey.

Yes, after disobeying Him. After my stubbornness, He never left. Instead He comforted and assured me that everything will work out just fine. That one day it will make sense. And even if I failed Him, He magically turn those heartaches into blessings, those obstacles into opportunities and those tears into smiles.

Now I realized, the pain I went through was all worth it. Because of that failed relationship, I learned so many things, firstly to choose battles wisely. Although it is never easy to just let go and surrender when all you wanted to do is hold on and fight but some battles are really not worth fighting. Secondly, though it maybe beautiful to love selflessly, without reservation, you shouldn’t lose your worth and self-respect in doing so. And lastly I have finally come in terms with myself that God’s version for my love story is way way way better than how I wanted it to be.

If you are going through a painful break up right now, TRUST the Lord. He has the best reason for everything. Who knows, may be God just want you to be apart from each other for you to grow individually. Joshua Harris once quoted:

“If God wants them together in the future, their decision to halt their environment won’t endanger His plan.”

Or maybe just maybe, the reason it didn’t work out for the two of you is because God had already written your love story and he was not part of it. Whatever the reason maybe it is already beyond you. So don’t figure it out yet. ♥